It's almost 2014!

As 2013 comes to a close,  I can't help but reflect on what a difference a year makes.

I remember very vividly, while ringing in the new year with my Washington favs,  taking a moment with D and talking about my resolution. I remember asking if getting pregnant could be a resolution. I remember the frustration I felt in that moment. I wanted nothing more than to be pregnant. To have a baby of our own.

But, along with the frustration, I remember a glimmer of hope. I remember feeling like a new year would bring new things. I had hope for 2013.

And here I sit now, 31 weeks pregnant with our first baby, looking at a lopsided tummy and feeling our baby move inside me.

The hope I felt last New Years Eve has become a reality.

And now, as 2014 approaches, I know this is the year we will meet our baby girl. We will finally see her face, and kiss her cheeks, and hold her in our arms. I know so much is going to change this year for our family. We will become a family of 3. I, no doubt, will watch my husband get wrapped around our beautiful girl's finger. I will become a mother. What a difference a year makes.

With a new year comes new hope. And I pray that no matter what frustration you have experienced in 2013, that 2014 will bring you and yours health, happiness, and most of all, hope.

Love

Things I am loving right now...

... Extra time with family around the holidays. My brother and his girlfriend are in town from Boston, mom & dad have time off work, and even D has a few days off from his new job. Oh, I should mention, my new niece, Lilly, who I get to spend some time with!

... Baby kicks, punches & hiccups. Basically, I love every time I feel our baby girl moving around inside my belly, making sure we don't forget about her :) I have had a few kicks to the ribs and the bladder here lately, which don't feel so great, but I wouldn't trade them for the world.

... The sight of D working to put the final touches on the nursery. He has worked so hard in that nursery, painting walls/closets, installing the closet shelving I hoped for, putting together the crib & changing table, hanging things on the walls, and even cleaning it up. I love to see him working so hard to make me happy, and to make a beautiful room for our girl.

... Hot chocolate and peanut butter blossoms. My sweet mom has been making me hot chocolate when I visit for our after dinner dessert, and this weekend she made my favorite cookies! I love that woman.... and those cookies!

...Tums. It's not actually the Tums I love, but the relief from the burning feeling in my esophagus is what makes them so wonderful.

... Christmas time in general. I love this time of year! I love the way our house looks decorated for Christmas, the way our fresh tree makes our house smell, the Holiday candle from Bath & Body works, wrapping & giving presents, listening to Christmas songs on the radio, and the joy on everyone's faces. Even as an adult, it is magical.

... a 2 week vacation from work! We don't go back until January 6th and I plan on enjoying every day :)

Really guys?!

Since sharing the news of our pregnancy with the world in late August, so many people have been so sweet and kind to us, sharing in our excitement about our first little one. There have been a few people, however, who I am pretty sure need to re-think their comments. Or at least need to sit in on my lesson of using a filter with my fourth graders! Anyway, I have been upset by many comments, and every time I complain to someone, they simply say "Get used to it. People say stupid things". So, I have decided to compile a list of the Top 10 Worst Things to Say to a Pregnant Woman. Let's just note that all of these things have been said to me, and have induced an extra-hormonal, crazy pregnant lady response!

10. Any kind of horror story involving pregnancy, labor or newborn care. I just don't need to hear anything but good stories. Please.

9. "I'm sorry ma'am. We are out of chicken pie." Chicken pie was the only thing on the menu I wanted. And nothing else would suffice.

8. Sticking with that theme, "We are out of honey mustard. Will BBQ be ok?" No, actually, BBQ will not be OK. How can Bojangles run out of honey mustard??

7. "Oh man, this (insert alcoholic beverage and/or deli sandwich of your choice here) is so good. Too bad you can't have one" You're right. It is too bad I can't have one. Must you rub it in?

6. "You're skin is really broken out." Yes, I know. Can't really help that one!

5.  "You don't look like you feel good." Gee, thanks. And I am pretty sure this is something you should never say to any person. Ever.

4. "You think you're tired now, just wait until that baby gets here." I know I will be exhausted when baby arrives. I am trying to sleep while I can!

3. "Are you sure you aren't having twins?" Yes. I am sure. Glad to know you think I am huge!

2. "I think you're overreacting." Just a bad idea. Period.

1. "Wow, you look big already!" Why would anyone think this is acceptable?!? Come on, people!


Luckily, my sweet friends, family and hubby help make me feel beautiful, even if I am a huge, emotional, acne-covered hot mess! And I know that when baby girl (YAY!) is here, it is going to be completely worth it! We love you already baby girl!

Hello Tuesday

Saw this blog post yesterday and thought it was so cute, I had to steal it :)

Hello October. I love the crisp air and cool nights you bring with you.

Hello flu shot. You stabbed my poor arm yesterday, and have been bothering me ever since.

Hello gray paint. We have seen too many shades of you recently. Why must you be so complicated?

Hello Baby Hayes! We heard your heartbeat again yesterday and it is still the most amazing sound I have ever heard.

Hello best co-workers ever. You have saved my butt more times than I can mention lately!

Hello pregnancy brain. You do exist. You are all too real.

Hello baby girl Grady! We found out you were a girl and you have gone public! Your Aunt Lindsey and Uncle D can not wait to meet you!

Hello roller coaster of a day! You have been filled with amazing news and awful news, all in the same day. Please let tomorrow be more normal.

Hello gender reveal party. We are finishing up our plans for you and now all we need to know is which gender we will be revealing :)

Hello ECU football. Way to crush those Tarheels! Keep up the good work!

Slacker

I have definitely been slacking on the blog posting. But, we have been SO busy lately with the beginning of the school year and this little turnip in my belly :)

Today I turned 16 weeks pregnant. I am certainly showing and finally looking pregnant and not just fat! Our next appointment isn't until September 30th, and then the BIG one on October 7th- the anatomy scan! Soon we will know if we should be calling "it" a he or she! Can. Not. Wait.

I have started feeling much better. The only time I feel bad is when I go too long without eating or spend too much time in the car. I am eating constantly because I always seem to be hungry. My skin has started to clear up a little, although it still doesn't look great. Either way, I am loving this. I love being able to rub my belly :) It has started to firm up, so it really feels like a pregnant belly now!

And, I am pretty sure I felt he/she move for the first time this week. I was laying down and felt a little flutter on my right side. I described it as how the wave at the football game looks, that is how it felt. It was awesome and made my night! I have not felt him/her since though, and am looking forward to the next little flutter.

We have started the process of cleaning out the guest room and preparing it to become a nursery. D is going to work on the closet this weekend, and hopefully we will start painting soon!  I am hesitant to do too much until we know a gender, so we are doing what we can for now.

Oh, and we bought a crib! Yay! It is beautiful, and my sweet mom/dad/hubby drove me all the way to Charlotte one night after work just to buy it! Thanks guys! Love ya!

Baby Hayes has started to get a few more items added to his/her wardrobe, and everything we have gotten is absolutely adorable! Here are a few pics of the cute stuff...

Precious onesie from a SUPER friend

Bow comes off if it is a boy!

ECU bib :)

Thanks Kim!

And these boots I just HAD to have...

August 1st

Well, I just returned from a visit to NY, in which I told my grandma and grandpa that they were going to be great-grandparents. It was just as awesome in real life as I had hoped, and they were both ecstatic!

Also, my brother now knows. I sent him a t-shirt that says "This guy is going to be an uncle". When he finally got it, he called and asked if it was for real. Of course, it is for real :)

That is still so weird to say- It is real. I am pregnant.

YAY!

The best feeling in the world... actually, I feel pretty bad but I am SO happy.

Speaking of feeling bad, things have been hit or miss lately. Some days are good and others are not. I have been taking some medicine the doctor gave me pretty religiously and that definitely helps.

I have an appointment on the 8th- just an internal exam, nothing too exciting. Then, our N/T scan on the 14th, which is less than 2 weeks away! I can not wait to see our little guy/girl back on the screen and see his/her heart beating. After that appointment, we will be sharing our news with the world. At this point, we are just praying that all is well with our little prune-sized miracle :)

Wow...

Yesterday, July 15th, was a day I will never forget. D & I went to our first appointment to see our little guy/girl.

Thankfully, we got back to the room and hooked up the machine pretty quickly. We were so anxious just to see and know that everything is OK. After only about a minute of looking around, our doctor showed us a little, black circle on the screen and explained that this was the yolk sac. He moved a little, to a small white blur right underneath that sac, and said "And right here, is your baby. And see that little flickering on the screen? That is its heartbeat".

Wow.

What an indescribably, amazing feeling.

I had always wondered what this moment might feel like, and now I know. It is nothing like I could have ever imagined. It is so, so much better.

Baby Hayes was measuring 7 weeks 1 day, which is right on track. He/she also had a heartbeat of 115 bpm, which Dr. Lindel said was great for being so early in the pregnancy. He checked around everything else and said "Well everything looks great. The only disappointing thing is that there is only one". HA! Not disappointing in the least- one baby at a time will do :)

We told Dustin's parents last night. So now, his parents and my parents know, as well as about 3 close friends. We are going to tell his sister and my brother this week, and my grandparents when we visit NY in about 2 weeks. Everyone else will have to wait until about 12 weeks along.

This is the most amazing thing, and seeing that little raspberry-sized baby on that screen makes all of this sickness and struggle worth every moment...

Get comfortable in there little raspberry. Your mommy and daddy love you very much already!!

June 23rd

Saturday night, June 22nd, I had a dream that I took a pregnancy test, and it was positive.

 I knew I was late, and that D & I were trying, but honestly, I had given up hope.

Anyway, I woke up that Sunday morning, after my dream of a positive pregnancy test, and decided to take a test. Two actually. I had a feeling in my gut, and that feeling was confirmed when I saw two pink lines on two different tests. I was pregnant.

Immediately, I went upstairs and showed D. We could not believe it. It really was positive! We did not want to get our hopes up too high, in fear of being disappointed eventually, but how can you not be excited?!

I called the Dr. the next day, and they wanted to do blood work immediately. I went in that day and they tested my HCG levels and progesterone levels. HCG was 252 and Progesterone was 15. Dr. wants progesterone at 20, so they started me on progesterone supplements. I went back in on Wednesday (48 hours later) for more blood work. They want to see your HCG levels double every 48 hours. I was SO nervous for that phone call! After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, Nikki, the nurse, called and said my levels were in the 600's ( I can't remember the exact number)!!! YAY! What a relief!

Now, we wait. First ultrasound is July 15th and I can hardly wait!

6 weeks...

Yesterday I hit the 6 weeks pregnant mark. It still feels so weird to say that. I am pregnant. I have been waiting to say those words for so long.

Honestly, the last few days have been hard. So hard. I go in and out of feeling sick all day long. Right when I think I am about to feel better, the nausea takes over again. I have to constantly keep something in my stomach, which is turning out to be quite the task, as just the thought of most food makes me gag. D has been awesome about getting me whatever food I think I might be able to stomach, making constant runs to the grocery store down the road (thankfully we have one nearby!). My skin is absolutely horrible, causing me to cringe every time I look in the mirror.

Truth be told, as miserable as it is, I am so glad this is happening. Every time I feel sick or notice a new pimple, I am reminded that there is a blueberry-sized (!) human growing inside me. A blueberry that I will one day call my son or daughter. And, when I remember that still unbelievable fact, it makes me so excited :)

We have our first ultrasound on July 15th. I will be 7 weeks 2 days pregnant. I am hoping and praying every free minute that we see our little one up on that screen, heart beating away, and we will be reminded, once again, that this is real.

Amazing.

Exhausted

Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.

Exhausted.

We have two days left with the kiddos at school & 7 days left for us teachers. I have so much to get done! And to be honest, I am really going to miss this group of kids. They have been pretty awesome and I have been lucky to have such a good group this year.

I am in definite need of summertime.

The sun. The pool. Cold drinks. Warm nights. Sleeping in. Backyard cookouts. Trips to the beach. Time with friends.

The countdown is on...

Love this one...

With Love

I have been blessed with two strong, amazing mother figures in my life.

A grandmother who has showed me what it means to unconditionally love someone, family or not. A woman who is the definition of an angel. A woman who lives by the Word of God and follows it with all of her being. A woman who raised 6 children through many difficult times. A woman who knows when to be gentle and when to be firm. A woman who still serves herself last. A woman who I am lucky enough call Grandma. 

A mother who has showed me what it means to be a mother. An amazing mother. A woman who puts family first in all that she does. A woman who taught me what it means to work for something you really want. A woman who can always brighten up a day with her smile and laugh. A woman who I am told I look exactly like. A woman who has shown me how to be a wife, to support your husband, through good times and bad. A woman who has shown me how to be a sister, and love your siblings with all you have, even when they drive you crazy. A woman I am lucky enough to call Mom. 

But most importantly, these two women have shown me what a blessing the mother-daughter relationship can be. They have showed me how a mother should take care of their daughter, answer the phone at any time, listen to any rant, make a visit no matter the distance. They have showed me how a daughter should respect her mother, value her advice, help her in times of need. They have showed me how a mother and a daughter can truly be best friends. 

My grandmother and mother, together, have made me the woman I am today. The sister I am. The wife I am. 

And I can only hope, that one day, when God decides to make me a mother, that I can be the same strong woman that my grandmother and my mother have been for me all these years. 

I love you, Mom. 

I love you, Grandma.

I hope you both know how special you are to me, on this Mother's day, and always. 

Always. Sometimes. Never.

I have been struggling with what to write about lately, which explains my lack of presence on this blog! I have a lot I need to say, but I'm not quite ready to blog about it yet. So, until then, I am sure my posts will be few and far between.

Anyway, when I saw this post from Doc Momma's blog, I figured it was a good way to get my creative juices flowing. Let's do this...

I always: 

** count down the hours/minutes after work until D gets home. It gets pretty lonely around here, and I usually try to do something to keep myself busy, but I always wait impatiently for his return. 

** wanted to have long fingernails, but could not make myself stop biting/picking. I made many attempts to stop, some involving gloves, nasty tasting fingernail polish and acrylic nails, but it none of it ever worked. I have finally stopped biting and it feels so good! In fact, I got a real manicure last weekend, and the lady actually had to cut my nails! What an accomplishment!

My new, adventurous spring mani

** look forward to time with my friends. Talking & drinking & eating with good company is always therapeutic.

** over think things. I am trying really, really hard to get this under control, but it is a tough habit to fix!

** love my co-workers. Seriously. I would not make it through some days without them. 

Celebrating Dr. Seuss' birthday with my favorite co-workers in the world!

I sometimes...

** like to eat healthy. Most of them time, I just want pizza. And beer. And chocolate. But sometimes, I like to eat healthy. Usually, that only happens Monday-Thursday.

** take things for granted. I try to be thankful for what I have, and trust me, I am, but sometimes I take things for granted.

** snack on beer and cookie dough.

Don't judge...

** miss living in New York. Obviously, I love NC and the relationships I have here. But, sometimes,  I miss my grandparents. I miss living next door to them. I miss being around my entire family during the holidays. 

** cook dinner. Luckily, I am married to an awful good cook, so those duties typically fall in his lap, but occasionally, I give cooking a shot.

Just one of the tasty meals my handsome hubs has served recently :)

** get jealous. Working on this one...



I never:

** go a day without checking Facebook, Instagram or Twitter. I am addicted to social media!

** turn down bread. I love bread. All kinds of bread. Yum...

** want to forget my college days. My years at ECU were some of the best years of my life!

Annual Thanksgiving Dinner with my college buds

XOXO

One of many flag football games...

Tailgates....

** knew how much I would love being an independent consultant, well, designer, for a company until about a month ago when I started selling Origami Owl. I love their products and love selling them even more! Visit my personal website here!

** remember to do anything without a to-do list! This explains why the reminder app on my phone is always filled to the brim :)


Happy Little Friday Y'all!!!!

Deep connection

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.” - Bob Marley


How true are those words? 

I have always felt a deep connection to music. All kinds of music, old and new. And while you won't be seeing me on The Voice any time soon, when I sing, I feel good. I forget everything going on in my life, and I feel like I can be me. 

Music always soothes my soul. On a good day. On a bad day. In the morning. Late at night. Music is always there for me. 

I can not tell you how many times I have had a bad day, turned on the radio, and heard the perfect song. That song that I can totally connect with. That song that I try to sing along with, but end up mostly crying instead. That song I feel deep down inside me. That song that feels like it was written just for me.

And, while I know it's not true,  it feels, for that very minute, just that way. Like that artist wrote that song for me. 

And my song of the moment?

Thompson Square- If I Didn't Have You

It is amazing the calm that comes over me when I hear this song. The lyrics are so strong, the words so beautiful. Definitely one that I can relate to, and one that sounds like me.  

Long overdue

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer.

                        -Romans 12:12


What a perfect verse. I can not believe I have never come across this one before.

Admittedly, I do not spend enough time in church. I want to. I need to. I just don't. It has nothing to do with not wanting to get out of bed on Sunday morning (we are usually awake way before an 11 am church service). It has more to do with finding a church that we like, are comfortable in and is within a reasonable distance from our house. We just can't seem to find somewhere that feels right.

I am so looking forward to this Sunday. We are going to church at Dustin's parents church, which is exactly what I need right now. We are eating Easter lunch with his family. This means I get to see my niece and nephew, which I am so looking forward to! After lunch with D's family, we will head to have dinner with my parents. My brother will not be around though, which stinks.

Mostly, I am just looking forward to this restful and rejuvenating time of year. Spring break from school. A mini vacation with friends. And a visit to church, which I am so in need of.

Oops

I have been a bad blogger lately. Maybe it is because I have nothing to talk about. Or maybe it is because I have too much to talk about. Either way, I have been sucking it up with the whole blogging thing.

Things have been pretty uneventful in the Hayes' household lately, which is probably a good thing. So, here are the few updates I can muster up:

*I had the best overnight shopping/eating/drinking trip this past weekend with Jessie. Love that girl. And shopping. And drinking.

*We are 7 school days away from Spring Break. But who's counting?

*My best friend from 5th grade is now a married woman. We had a blast at her wedding and are so happy for her!

* I will be seeing Luke Bryan in concert in 4 days. This makes me excited.

*Dustin won a free Otterbox just by retweeting a RealTree tweet today. He got the new, waterproof Armor series (normally $100) for free! Shipping included! Pretty awesome stuff!

*I have decided to start selling Origami Owl. They sell seriously adorable lockets and I am SO ready to get this new business venture up and running. Check out their stuff here and let me know if you love it as much as I do!
^^^More about above post coming soon :)

That is pretty much the excitement in my life right now. I certainly hope your life is more exciting than mine!

Looking forward to...

So many things over the next few weekends, I can hardly contain my excitement! Thought I would jot them down here, so I can remind myself of the fun weekends ahead during those days of the week that aren't so fun (Monday - Thursday that is!).

This weekend started early thanks to a surprise "snow" day. Most of the time in NC, "snow" days are actually "ice" days, and today definitely followed suit. Except we were missing one thing- the ice. I was slightly annoyed after getting the phone call last night (before the rain even started) but have decided to take full advantage of my day off. And by taking full advantage, of course I mean staying in my sweatpants until it is time to meet my girls for drinks at 4 pm :)

Anyways, I am SO looking forward to tomorrow! My best friend since 5th grade is getting married in March and we are throwing her last hoorah tomorrow night! Should be a dandy ol' time for all :) Also, excited to try out a restaurant I have never been to before, The Melting Pot. I am not a try-new-places kind of girl, so I am glad someone is getting me out my comfort zone (aka Ronni's, Mexican and the occasional Steakhouse).

My beautiful friend, Moo 

Next weekend, some of my favorite ladies from Washington are coming for an overnight visit. It will be a quick trip, but some catching up is long overdue!

On March 9th, the BFF from 5th grade (mentioned above) is getting MARRIED! Oh my gosh I can't believe it! I am so so happy for her and future hubby. They started dating around the same time as D & I, so this is a long time coming. I am very much looking forward to this day. I know she will be a beautiful, stunning bride :)

The next weekend, I will be heading to Raleigh for an overnight shopping trip with another best friend of mine. We are taking a whole day to shop for ourselves, eat, drink and just enjoy each others' company. We have both had a few off months, so this is well deserved!

Finally, the day I have been waiting for since I opened my Christmas present this year, March 22nd. D and I will be heading to Fayetteville to see my main man, Luke Bryan, and the amazing Florida-Georgia Line in concert! Wahoooooo! In case you did not know, I am slightly obsessed with Luke Bryan, especially live in concert. We have seem him a few times (yeah, obsessed) and he always puts on a good show!

I will be seeing this in person very soon :)

Anyways, what a busy few weekends ahead! Looking forward to the fun!

Love...

Since it's Valentine's Day, I thought I would make a little list of the things I love most right now.

1- My hubby. Obviously. Glad that he is my Valentine, forever.

2- Funfetti cookies. I made some last night, with pink strawberry icing, and they were awfully scrumptious.

3- Momma & Daddy. Mom stopped by after work the other day and brought D and I a special Valentine's present. Such sweet little parents I have.

4- Texts from long-distance friends who I miss so very much. 3 in particular just today!

5- A feeling of relief and closure. I feel like I am finding myself again, slowly but surely.

6- An overnight trip planned to Raleigh with one of my favs. Trust me- we both need it.

7- The fact that the next few weekends are filled with bridal showers and bachelorette parties and weddings for two lovely ladies.

8- The dinner I will be eating in about 3 hours. Ready for some bang-bang shrimp and a glass of Merlot with my main man.

9- All of the sweet things I received today from my co-workers and students. I love feeling loved!

10- My two new sweaters I got at Ann Taylor Loft over the weekend for $12.99 each. Can't beat that!

Goals

I have started giving my students a daily goal on the board in class. We develop the goal for the day based on behaviors and choices made the previous day. It has worked so well, and it is a great visual reminder!

In fact, it works so well that I have decided I need to do this for myself. It is no secret that the past few weeks have been rough for me. So, I have decided to make a few (achievable) goals for myself for the remainder of the week, and document them here to hold myself accountable.

1. Take things one day at a time. I will not worry today about what tomorrow holds. Tomorrow is not guaranteed and I will not waste today worrying about tomorrow ( or the next day...).

2. Laugh out loud multiple times each day. Find time to talk with friends, co-workers, family members and hubby because they always know how to make me smile.

3. Remind myself daily that someone, somewhere, has things much worse than me and be thankful for what I have. 

Now, I am on a mission to stick to these goals the same way I expect my students to stick to their goals each day. So, if ya see me around, make me laugh and help me out :)

Just let me do this...

Lately, I haven't been feeling quite like myself. Blame it on whatever you like, but I just don't feel like my normal, happy self. And, when I am feeling this way, I start looking for things to do to find myself again. Ya know, things like planning trips, drinking wine, keeping busy, etc. And, I promise, I am currently doing those things....

But I just can't seem to shake it this time. So, just let me vent.

I am annoyed.

I am grumpy.

I am feeling like life isn't fair.

I don't care if people have it worse.

I am having a pity party. 

I feel angry.

I feel frustrated.

I am feeling impatient. 

And all of these feelings are OK. It is OK to have these moments in life. Things don't always go as planned. Life doesn't always work the way we want it to. I am learning it is OK to feel these things. It makes you appreciate the good things & the good times in life. 

So, there, I did it. I vented. Now, on to the next step...

Getting over it!

One week

A lot can change in one week, but I am reminded of God's word...

Psalm 27:14
Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!

Right now

Right now, I am:

Enjoying playing solitaire. I downloaded the game on my phone last week and my free time has been consumed ever since.

Appreciating time I have with family and friends. Many friends are losing their loved ones lately, and it is really making me slow down and enjoy the time I have with the people I love. I know it sounds cliche, but it is so very true.

Allowing myself to order multiple boxes of girl scout cookies. Lemon, Thin Mint, Carmel Delites and Peanut Butter Sandwiches. Hey, it's for a good cause!

Hoping for good news. For a good friend. For a coworker. For myself.

Itching to redo the kitchen. We have been spending some time at the local Lowe's Hardware, and I am now on a kitchen kick. New counter tops, new sink and a new faucet are all I am asking for :)

Imagining a nice, summer vacation. Yes, I know it is January. But I am already imagining (and maybe searching for) a relaxing place my hubby and I can spend a week of our summer.

Closing the book on a past friendship. A book that, in reality, was closed over a year ago. It has taken me this long, but I am finally accepting that it is over. It isn't easy to say good-bye to something, or someone, you have invested so much time and love into.

Missing friends and family. After having a full house for about a week at Christmas time, things seem kinda empty around here with just D, Sophie and me.

Trying to get back into the swing of things after a 2 week vacation at Christmas time. It hasn't been easy, but I'm getting there.

Remembering to be happy with what I have and not worry about where we are going.

Happy Saturday :)

Life isn't fair

I grew up with a younger brother, about 3 years younger than me. As the eldest sibling, I remember a lot of times that I sacrificed things because I was the older child. I was expected to know better, do better and set a good example.

I remember one time in particular, at the grocery store. I honestly can't tell you how old we were, I just know we were pretty young. We were in the cereal aisle at the grocery store. I wanted one kind of cereal (probably something yummy like Rice Krispy Treats or Cocoa Pebbles) and Mark wanted another kind ( I am sure something boring, like Bran flakes, because he isn't quite as awesome as me). Anyways, I remember trying to explain to my mother that it was my turn to choose the cereal and, as if on cue, Mark starts crying. It was annoying, and a sound I heard often as a kid. As usual, I gave in, but not without a whiny Mark-always-gets-his-way-and-I-always-have-to-do-what-he-wants-or-he-cries-it-about-it-like-a-baby type comment. I remember saying "It's not fair". And I remember my mom, surrounded by two crying/whining children, saying "Yea, well, life isn't fair".

Man, was she right.

I have never realized how right she was until somewhat recently.

Life is not fair.

Life is not even close to fair sometimes.

Rude people get job promotions, while hard-working people get passed by.
Amazing people die young, while many grumpy people seem to live forever.
Babies are born into unstable homes, while many stable couples struggle with infertility.
People get judged by their looks or income, instead of what really counts.
Elderly people are taken advantage of.
Middle class people struggle to pay taxes, while others take advantage of our system.
Children with strong role models make bad choices and go down the wrong path.


I feel like the list could go on forever, because, let's be honest- Life just isn't always fair.

But, what I am trying to do is understand that life may not always be fair. It may not always be easy. There may not always be an explanation for why things happen.

And this is the life I have been given. Even when it doesn't seem fair, I plan to love it & live it.